$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
