Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
