Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
