Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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