this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
