If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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