He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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