Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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