Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
