Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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