We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
