nut hugger
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
