I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
