I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
