I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
