I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
