rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Such a big mess for such a small penis
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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