i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
