You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Randomize
