my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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