Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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