After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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