i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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