are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
