My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
