he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
