I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
