I just threw up on my dentist
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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