turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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