I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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