Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
