Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Randomize
