My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
