Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
