your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
