If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
