Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
