There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
