thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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