okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
