just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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