SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
