I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
