Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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