So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
