So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
zippers are such a cool invention
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
