Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
