but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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