Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm too high and old for this...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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