I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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