dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
