So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
