I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
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you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
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I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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