she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
