Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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