I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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