hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
