Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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