and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
