Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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