Sponge bath it is.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
