I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
