What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
