I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just googled if crying burns calories
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
