i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
