mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
