I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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