So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
