They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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