wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
